No Port, Only Rum [Ara]

Well I didn’t start out too well. I was an hour late for a pillage I was all set up to XO on. Turns out the night before when Lawson told me what time to show up I was too busy flirting with Floody to pay close attention and when Lawson said 6:30 I heard 7:30. Well it wasn’t Lawson that was battle navigating anyway, it was Rastamon. He told me to bring some hearties so I asked what they were and he told me they were little cookies in the shape of hearts. I guess he wanted a snack.


I promptly introduced myself, “Ahoy and welcome aboard, I be your Plank Master for this voyage. All hands follow me rules and do right by me or feel me boot as I shove ye overboard.” A pirate called Anjinha thought that was very funny, but I allowed said pirate to remain onboard even after laughing.

I asked why they call the Plank Master the XO and Tikao said it was cause PM was too close to PMS, but I thought it was still fitting, cause you know every guy I plank thinks I just have PMS anyway. Couldn’t have been cause he was doing wrong, had to be that crazy chick XO.

The pillage went relatively smooth. We won all battles. But Rasta kept saying he was a little rusty so Tik and I oiled him down nice and good, or well I did, Tik wanted to help but I threatened to tell Lawson on her. Rasta is my piece of chocolate man, she can find her own.


Rasta wasn’t the only one I flirted with of course, but I’m not tied down to any one pirate I can flirt with as many mates as I want. But it’s not entirely my fault, the ship was called Wicked Seadevil which just makes me want to go into the cabin and do naughty things.


I was cracking my whip at Firefly who was on carp, but Rasta told me to stop distracting her so I apologized for flirting and said I’d wait until she had the carp down. Then I secretly snuck on carp myself. Sometimes if the jobbers are behaving I help out on an empty duty station.

A pirate called Xmas joined us and said something about being full of present so I wanted to whack her like a piñata and let the presents fall out. She said she was going to get out her naughty list, but Rasta pointed out I’m already on the top of that. Only my kind of naughty gets me extra presents.

I didn’t have much troubles with the jobbers. They mostly worked and stayed on station. There was one little pirate who booched more than once and lazed a little longer after battle than he should or switched stations a lot. I warned him that I’d plank him if he booched again so he went ahead and jumped overboard which I found really funny. You know I don’t really take the time to use the plank anyway, I just toss pirates over whatever side is closest.


Someone said something about port and I said I only drink the fine rum and only grog or swill if I absolutely must. Rhoaleper said he only uses grog and I commented that I’d never pillage with him cause he can’t provide me with proper drinking accommodations. I of course didn’t mean it, I’m always there for a mate, but I have a reputation to uphold of being a little harsher than that.

After the pillage I was too tired to do too much of anything else. I stabbed at Reficuldrol a few times but then I had to go to bed.